Bee Pure

A New Home

2010-03-16T14:35:00.007-05:00

If you're interested in reading more about modesty, then please come visit Modestly Yours, a blog started by one of my favorite authors, Wendy Shalit. There you will find all sorts of thought-provoking articles, essays and opinions from women who've taken on the challenge of exploring modesty and what it means to them.

I've had the privilege of developing a friendship with Wendy and she has graciously asked me to come join her team of women writers who regularly contribute to her blog. So if you've come here looking for Hunnybee, you can find me there!
Thanks for stopping by!

Amen, Sista!

2009-12-24T11:48:00.001-06:00

If I had any political power, I would solve part of the health care coverage crisis by forcing underdressed young women to go home and put on sweaters, instead of showing the whole world all their preexisting conditions.- Judy Gruen

(Thanks to Tirtsa for sharing this great quote!)

Merry Christmas!

Reflections of Love

2009-12-16T09:43:00.006-06:00

The other night I was getting ready to attend a Christmas party with my mother-in-law. Every year her church does a Ladies Christmas Tea and it's become tradition for her and I to attend it together. For fun I decided to wear a new true-red lipstick, something I normally don't do. It seemed fun and festive and when you spend most of your days in sweat pants and zit cream, as I often do, excitement can be found in the tiniest of packages. Like, say, a new tube of bright red lipstick.

After getting carefully dressed and all done-up, I came down the stairs to my four-year-old son. He was sitting in his playroom, putting together some twacks, er, tracks. (Choo-choo tracks to the uninitiated.)

I asked him how I looked.

He looked up, gave me a once-over then looked away with a shy, funny smile. For a second I thought maybe I looked so good, he didn't recognize me or something.

(Or something, indeed.) *sighs to self*

"You get that pink off you mowf!".

"What?"

"Get dat pink off you mowf!"

"You mean my lipstick?"

"Yes. Da pink on you mowf."

"You think I should take it off?"

"Yes."

"Ummm....I'll think about it. I guess." *dumbfounded*

Fast forward forty-eight hours.....

We'd received a dinner invitation from the couple who owns the company that built our home a few years ago. They were in town and wanted to see us and the kids, so we met up at a local steakhouse for a fun, family dinner with them.

Once again I'd decided to try out my festive new look, still trying to determine if I liked it. After we got home from a wonderful evening, I got myself ready for bed. With my face washed and my own jammies on I went to get Michael (the lipstick-hater) ready for bed, too. I sat down on the floor of his room to help him with his clothes, and he says to me: "So... you wook wike youself".

"What?"

"You wook wike youself."

"You mean I took my make-up off?"

"Yep. You wook wike youself."

"Ummm, okay."

It's taken me awhile to process these little conversations with my son, but now that I've had some time to do so, I think I'm beginning to understand them.

When I look in the mirror I see a woman who needs change.

My hair needs change. It's not good enough.

My face needs change. It's not clear enough.

My lips need change. They're not bright enough.

This what I see when I look in the mirror.

But bathroom mirrors aren't' the only place we can find our reflection. In fact, they may be one of the lousiest places to see what we really look like.

Sometimes the best source of truth about who we are and who others see when they look at us isn't a mirror. Sometimes it's the tiny little voices that love us and trust enough to say what they think, no holds barred. When my son looks at me, he doesn't see pimples and blotchy skin. He doesn't see graying hair or flabby skin.

He sees Me!

His Mommy!

His friend!

I'm not saying that spicing things up in the make-up cabinet isn't necessary or desirable at times. But sometimes the best change of all is the one that happens on the inside, when you realize that you are simply

Loved.

Send Me Your Pictures and Ideas!

2009-12-10T09:06:00.004-06:00

Okay, so apparently nobody has anything to say about stripper wedding dresses. That's alright. I still have plenty to say.

Like this:

WHAT THE HECK?

No seriously, when did 'stripper' become a trendy, mainstream look? Was I out to lunch that day, because I never got the memo. I like looking good and being stylish as much as the next gal, and I'm definitely not opposed to following trends. I am, however, opposed to looking like a stripper, unless the new look for strippers is to be fully clothed and covered from collarbone to kneecaps. I'm just sayin'.

And what I'd really like to do here with this space is showcase other women's styles that highlight their personal tastes and their beauty without compromising their integrity, whether it be wedding gowns, swimwear, your favorite pair of boots that go with your favorite skirt...whatever. I'm not really so interested in what modesty doesn't allow, as much as I'm interested in what modesty highlights and accentuates and I'd love create a space here that makes those ideas and styles more accessible. Stylishly modest is not an oxymoron.

If you're interested in being part of future posts featuring some of your favorite looks or ideas, send me a message at melissakmay -at- gmail -dot- com. I'd sincerely love to hear from you!

Wedding Style (or Lack Thereof), Part I

2009-12-06T11:17:00.015-06:00

It's been an embarrassingly long time since I've posted. You'll forgive me for being a bit rusty? It's been so long since I sat down and put my thoughts down on (digital) paper that I'm afraid I might not remember how. In my defense, I've been busy doing stuff like laundry and mopping and getting major haircuts. Also, there's those pesky children of mine who seem to require daily care and tending to. I recently took on the enormously frustrating, yet fulfilling task of homeschooling my four-year-old son which as you might imagine, takes up a huge chunk of my time. And patience. But that's another post for another time.

In my spare moments I do enjoy occasionally sitting down in front of the television and being entertained. The list of shows that enjoy, er, tolerate is laughably small, though. One of my current faves is Say Yes to the Dress, a reality program on TLC and set in the famed Kleinfeld's Bridal Salon in New York.

Each episode features several brides in hot pursuit of their perfect gown. Some know exactly what they want while other brides haven't a clue. Each bride is assigned a trained consultant who's job it is to tease out the bride's expectations and then help her choose a dress that meets her criteria.

For the record, I myself hadn't a clue what I was shopping for when I looked for my own wedding dress. The only thing I knew was that I didn't want a puffy Cinderella-style gown. Other than that, I was open to suggestions. I suppose I was lucky that the second gown I tried on turned out to the The One. My mom was the one who found it, hidden away in the clearance rack. I hadn't planned on letting my mom choose my dress, but what can I say. She found me a great deal on a gorgeous, perfect gown! (Another score for the moms!)

See:

Gratuitous wedding pic. You likey?

Okay, so back to the show.

As much as I love watching these girls shop for dresses and try them on one at a time, there's something about a current trend in wedding attire that really bugs me. I'll sum it up in one word:

Sexy.

Brides want to be sexy nowadays.

In fact, sexy is such a popular look that they're actually requesting dresses like this:

Yes, this is a wedding dress. I am so not joking. It's by a designer called Pnina Tornai and can be purchased a Kleinfelds, if you are so inclined. Which I hope you're not. Cuz....seriously?

This particular style falls under the category of "stripper-fairy". Google it, if you dare. Whereas once upon a time brides asked for a ballgown or mermaid style dress because they wanted to look elegant on their special day, now they're asking designers to make them look like stripper fairies, whatever that means.

Now don't get me wrong. I understand that special anticipation about being sexy that comes with the anticipation for the wedding day. Most brides make a point to purchase special items for the honeymoon, things meant for only their new husband's eyes. I've just always been under the impression that the "sexy" part was for after the wedding, when the bride and groom are ALONE. As far as I'm concerned, if you want to look like a stripper fairy in the privacy of your own home or hotel room or rented limo, go for it! That's one of the perks of being married. You get to be sexy with your beloved. Woot for private, married sexiness!

But wearing lingerie for the whole crowd? In church? In front of holy men? And you MOTHER?

*deep breath. and let it out.*

The ironic part is that in this day and age it's considered totally acceptable to flaunt your sexuality in this sort of way but doing something like, oh say, sharing your political views in public is a major faux pas. For heaven's sake, you might offend someone! In fact I'm pretty sure there are women (and men) would be offended by my take on the slutty wedding dress issue, claiming that I'm being old-fashioned and prudish. They'll defend a bride's right to walk down the aisle in something that would make a sailor blush, but by golly, what right do I have to offer my own commentary 0n the topic? Who died and made me judge of the world? And if I happen to be offended by a woman choosing to wear underwear as outerwear at her own wedding, well then that's just my problem, right? Get over it!

What you wear (or not) says something about you. You send a message by what you choose to expose (or not). And when a bride walks down the aisle in somthing described as "stripper-fairy" she's saying more about herself than she may have bargained for. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be applauding her audacity and brazenness. and I should realize that she's owning her sexuality and see that she's proud of what she's got. What's wrong with me? Why can't I see the good side of wearing a slutty wedding dress?

We have so misled our daughters, it's downright shameful. We've lied to them and now we've gone so far as to convince them to make fools of themselves on what should be the most special day of their lives. And they are so gung-ho about proving themselves as strong women in this scary and domineering world that they've taken the rules we gave them and ran with them. Who can blame them? No little girl grows up thinking she wants to be a reject and a weirdo. No, she wants to take life by the reigns and run with it. Somewhere along the line, we've sold young women the message that their sexuality is something they're supposed to be willing share and show off, if simply to prove that they possess it. (That worked out nicely for the men, didn't it?) Now they mistake their willingness to flaunt that sexuality for confidence, and in the end become the butt of the joke.

I have so much more to say about this, but I really want to hear what YOU think before I continue. Also, this buys me more time, which I always seem to be running out of. Oy.

Fashionable Quotes

2009-10-14T15:34:00.002-05:00

I've always felt jerked around by the fashion industry. On the one hand the powers that be seem to send the message that you should be yourself, be authentic, be that hot girl you know you are on the inside. And do it by buying what we're selling. And that right there is the other hand. The 'selling' part.

Authenticity can't be bought or sold. Your true self isn't hanging on a rack at Macy's or Goodwill. And if you're looking to tell the world who you are by what you're wearing, if there's any confusion about the former, well don't try and figure it out by focusing on the latter. You'll just end up with more stuff crammed in your closet, stuff acquired in pursuit of answering that age old question: Who am I? Stuff can't help you answer that question. You have to answer it.

By yourself.

No cheating.

"Sometimes, a woman filled with all sorts of uncertainties in most of the areas of life and emotion, will have her only confidence and independence in her fashion-sense. I'm sure this is a misfortune. Fashion should not be expected to serve in the stead of courage or character." — Loretta Young

The most important part of your style is confidence. Not confidence in your smokin' hot abs or you luscious curves. Save that confidence for the bedroom, alone with your spouse, who will most certainly love and appreciate every inch of what you've got to show off. No, true confidence is so much more. It's what draws others to you and propels you into the great unknown....new and challenging places you'd never imagined or dreamed possible for yourself. If you don't think you have confidence, well then do something about it. Decide. You have to make a choice and even if it means that you fake it until you make it, do it. When you treat yourself with respect others will follow suit.

"With women, the more unhappy they are the more undressed they are. This is true. Dignity's another very important part of this. Sex and the City is the opposite of dignity. You have to have dignity for your body—this is with men and women. You need to have dignity towards how you are, how you dress, how you behave. Very important. Men are always much more dignified than most women." - Miuccia Prada,

Dignity is a precious commodity. It helps to keep you on course and insulate you from the crazy directions the rest of the crazy world likes to give. Sometimes others will try and steal it from you. Sometimes they're so sneaky about it, they'll even insist that you pay them to give it up. Don't give anyone the power to take away what makes you truly special and Because desperation is never in style.

NEVER!

(Neither is pleather.)

"How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone." — Coco Chanel

In summary, my encouragement to you is that you get to know yourself, your loves and your likes, your passions and your flaws. What is most important to you in life? What are your priorities and WHO do you want to be? (Hint: Who you want to be is a big part of the answer to the question, Who Am I?) Let your outer appearance then become the reflection of this inner person. Give people a chance to know who you are by giving them a heads up when they see you coming.

And finally:

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have very little or no influence on society." — Mark Twain

(Of course Mark Twain never heard of Paris Hilton.)

MyShape Giveaway!

2009-10-12T09:39:00.003-05:00

Throughout the month of October, MyShape is giving $500 daily to breast cancer research. They're also giving away a $500 shopping spree! All you have to do is visit your own personal MyShape shop, and you'll automatically be entered to win. If you don't have a personal shop at MyShape, you can create one here. And as a bonus, you'll receive 15% off your first order and you'll always receive free shipping and returns.

Good luck!

My Shape

2009-10-07T07:42:00.005-05:00

So I came across another helpful website the other day called MyShape. The purpose of the site is to help women of every shape and size determine their own shape and personal dressing style, then provide them with a variety of options that meet their criteria, which can then be ordered right from MyShape.

I decided to give the site a try since my own shape has changed somewhat in recent months, and my own personal style has evolved a bit as well.

The registration process took a bit of time as I had to insert a number of body measurements and answer various questions about my personal style. You don't have to answer all the questions at once, but obviously the more questions you answer the more helpful you'll find the suggestions. Some of the measurements are best done with the help of a friend, but I managed to do most of them on my own.

Bonus: One number they never ask for is your weight! That number is completely irrelevant in this circumstance.

I also picked from different dressing styles, such as glamorous, artistic, classic (my fave!) , and trendy. One of my favorite features was the skirt and sleeve length option. I was very specifically asked where I like my skirts to fall, what sleeve length I prefer and how much cleavage, if any, I'm comfortable revealing (um...how 'bout none, k?). There were also questions about how tight or loose I prefer each article of clothing to be and what types of fabrics I like to wear. In all I spent about ten minutes taking measurements and creating my profile.

As it turns out my shape is "M", which means that I have proportioned shoulders, bust and hips; softly defined waist curve (read: thick waisted); strong, straight shoulder line and rounded bottom.

I was supplied with six basic tips for dressing my shape and then based on my personal preferences I was given a variety of outfit choices that met my criteria, including accessories. I have to admit it was quite fun to see whole groupings of outfits put together just for me. And for the most part, the selections were dead on. I could picture myself wearing just about everything chosen for me.

Another neat feature that MyShape offers is called sizeless dressing. This option allows you to view clothing selections without knowing the size of the garments. If you're in a place where you'd just rather not know, then this is a way to shop without having to bother about that pesky number. It's an interesting concept and in a culture where women seem to be extraordinarily preoccupied with the numbers on their scale, their bra, and their pants, this could be a helpful tool to help get away from the numbers obsession.

There's one part of the shopping experience I didn't enjoy so much, but I suppose it's to be expected. That was the prices. Unfortunately the outfits chosen for me were on the pricier side, even though I was able to choose various stores and designers from whom I buy regularly. (Curiously, Goodwill was not an option.) However, their sale section is quite extensive and the prices were very reasonable, especially the Last Call section, where I found these fantastic buys, below. You want my advice? Make a profile then shop the sales!

cropped jacket in white or black, $14.49

Jessica Howard dress with cardigan $49.49

Personally, I consider MyShape to be an excellent dressing tool. Even if you don't buy from the site, the body shape calculator and style suggestions are extremely helpful and can provide a great starting point if you're looking for help in this area. All in all, MyShape gets two thumbs up!

Modesty on a Budget

2009-09-28T14:25:00.004-05:00

A while back I posted a link to a site that sells denim skirts, JustDenimSkirts. There were a few skirts that I really, really liked but I hadn't ordered any of them yet. The last time I checked they were running a special, Buy Two, Get the Third One for $9.99. The average price for the long denim skirts I liked was about forty dollars, so with shipping purchasing three skirts would come to about one hundred dollars.

In my opinion, three very versatile skirts was well worth a hundred smackaroos. I mean, you can wear them with flip flops in the summer, cool boots in the fall and winter and just about any kind of top. Dress up. Dress down. How can that not make you a happy woman?

A few weeks ago I was shopping our new Goodwill store, and low and behold....there on the rack was a Candies denim skirt. Just like one I'd been craving! (Get it...Candies....craving....I'm clever one, eh?) It was $3.99.

THREE
NINETY
NINE
!!!

And it's in perfect condition. No rips or stains. Just perfectly perfect. Of course now I have to find some glorious brown boots to go with it so I can really put it to good use this fall. But that's another story and another shopping trip.

I'd love to post a picture but my camera is out of batteries and in my world, finding and inserting new batteries in my camera usually takes about three and half weeks to accomplish. Because:

A. I have to remember the batteries are dead.
B. I have to find new batteries.
C. I don't have any new batteries.
D. I went to the store the next day for groceries but forgot to buy batteries.
E. I tried to use the camera.
F. I realized I'd forgotten new batteries.
G. Lather.
H. Rinse.
I. Repeat four or five times until I finally get it right.

When I get batteries (sometime before Thanksgiving, hopefully) I plan to post a pictures of all my recent finds. Hopefully I can make a solid case for the fact that modesty does not automatically equate to stodgy, frumpy or boring or any other fashion-backward description. So if you don't believe me, stick around. You might just be surprised!

Adventures in Modesty

2009-09-14T07:55:00.004-05:00

I've found another great source for modest clothes, in the most unusual place. I stumbled upon it the other day when I was trying to come up with something cool and comfortable to wear on a walk with my children. The heat was rising so I didn't want to wear pants like I usually do. I'd already dug through my own closet, chest of drawers and laundry hamper, all to no avail trying to find a pair of shorts that would work for the occasion. Everything I could have worn was either dirty or too small. Hence the need for the walk.

In a final act of desperation I dove into the last place I could think of:

My husband's closet.

Yeah, I know.

I'm as shocked as you are. He will be too when he reads this, since I haven't actually fessed up yet. Of course the shorts I found don't fit him anymore *ahem* and while I admit it's a little unsettling to fit into my husband's clothes, overall they worked out quite nicely.

At the bottom of one his drawers I found he had one pair of navy dress shorts still sporting the tags. When I tried them on I was pleasantly surprised to find that they come down to my knees and ride a little higher on the waist. That's good for my post-baby belly. Keeps it all nipped in, you know. They do have pleats (ugh!) but here's another surprising little fact: men's pleats are different than women's pleats. I don't know exactly how, but they are. These pleats don't puff out or anything. They actually lay pretty flat and make the shape nicer since they just pull the waist in a bit at the top. Who knew it would be men's shorts that would give me that feminine hourglass shape I've been longing for!

Anyhoo, I wore the shorts on my walk and they were quite comfortable. And I am absolutely certain that if I wore them in front of you today, you'd have no idea that they came from my husband's stash. Ha! Even he doesn't know. Until now. But I'm pretty sure he won't mind.

Innocence Fail

2009-09-03T08:31:00.005-05:00

Spotted this today on failblog*:

*Failblog is mostly NSFW, but you can find a G-rated version here.

Are You Beautiful?

2009-08-31T11:48:00.002-05:00

What makes one beautiful? I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. In part it's because of my own insecurities, my mistake of equating outward beauty for inward peace. For a time I fell into the trap of needing attention for my looks in order to feel special. I desperately wanted to hear that I was pretty, or skinny, or lucky, or something. Just please pay me a compliment so I'll know that you like me and that I matter to you.

But it didn't work. The compliments, when they appeared, didn't make me feel more secure. If anything, they made me less so. Everytime I heard something nice it just set the bar a little higher in my mind and became one more expectation I had to meet and maintain in order to be okay in this world.

Desperation isn't pretty. It's bitter. It stinks and it drives people away in droves. When you know who you are and why you are special, what makes you lovely to behold and how you can stay that way then you are pleasant to be near. Your smile catches the attention of those in your vicinity, not because your teeth are perfectly white or you lips are perfectly plumped but because of the sincerity that gleams in your eyes and the laughter that almost bubbles out of your heart like a little, dancing fountain.

A peaceful spirit and gentle lips draw others close and keep them there. They can't help themselves. You may be easy on the eyes but if you're rough on the ears or brutal to the heart then expect to be lonely.

Beauty can alleviate your pain, but only if you know how to truly be beautiful. It's not just about what others see on you, but who they see in you. When you understand your true worth and purpose, more than just a pretty face, you'll begin to see how radiating goodness and reflecting it back to others when you glimpse it in them makes you the most beautiful thing in the world.

New Fall Arrivals!

2009-08-26T13:18:00.004-05:00

Shade Clothing has just unveiled their new items for fall, with more to come! Check 'em out here.

I digg:

Add a wide brown leather belt, jeans and brown boots to the first sweater and you've got a terrific look for fall. Cardigans are gold in my book since they allow summer tops to stretch into the cooler seasons, keeping my budget safe and providing the ever-necessary layering needed to survive cold Chicago winters.

Each of these pieces come in several colors and are reasonably priced from $32.50 to $42.50.

Excellent Article by Wendy Shalit

2009-08-20T10:15:00.004-05:00

Why Miley Cyrus is stripping down as she grows up

By Wendy Shalit

New York Daily News

Wednesday, August 19th 2009, 4:00 AM

The song may have been called "Party in the USA," but when Miley Cyrus recently treated her Teen Choice Awards audience to a pole dance atop an ice cream truck, dressed in extremely short shorts, black boots and a bra-revealing tank top, the general impression was that the party was taking place in a strip joint.

Mothers of little girls cringed: Who provided the pole? And since when do Miley's backup dancers gyrate like the Pussycat Dolls?

Then there is the August issue of Elle, which features America's favorite 16-year-old in a number of contrived poses. In one, she's in black stilettos, with an exposed midriff, striking a backbend-pelvic-thrust combo. On the cover, she's in a leather push-up bustier, her cleavage revealed.

The overall impression of the girl in these pictures is perhaps the opposite from what is intended: She projects not confident sexuality but confusion. Even when reclining on her back offering up her black thigh-high boots for inspection, Miley seems to be saying not "Take me!" but, "Do I really have to do this?"

We are told in the magazine's text that Miley was under the "watchful eye of her parents" the whole time, just as she was during last year's Vanity Fair naked-bedsheet photo shoot at 15 and, no doubt, during her recent pole dance. This is all supposed to be reassuring.

Not to me. Elle editor Robbie Myers is at pains to explain, in her sanctimonious "Editor's Letter," that Miley, in "facing the camera" this way, is "offering a very clear view of herself" and "trying on a more mature persona." You see, Miley exhibited more than mere cleavage on the set that day; in going along with Elle's plans for her, she showed "genuine openness."

Ah, yes. How prudish and "closed" girls can be when they refuse to disrobe for the public. But Miley was not like that.

Elle claims its interest in Miley is not titillation, but empowerment, "watching her take the wheel." Think about this for a second. Miley is a talented singer of chart-topping songs, a multimillionaire teen mogul and actress. She has launched a fashion line and is the envy of little girls around the world. Yet we are to believe the girl simply did not "have the wheel" until a fashion magazine induced her to pose with her pelvis thrust forward.

It's not difficult to read between the lines and see that, having pledged abstinence before marriage, Miley poses a threat to conventional wisdom. Many people - indeed, whole industries - are invested in "neutralizing" that threat by getting her to take her clothes off as much as possible, as soon as possible.

But the sexuality-industrial complex doesn't have to win. So it's sad and more than a little creepy when the adults in her life - up to and including her own parents - are onboard for the virtual deflowering. (We learn from the accompanying piece that her father shows Miley photographs of guys and asks, "You don't think he's really hot?")

Ironically, it's Miley's younger fans who are acting more mature. They are screaming not for stilettos and cleavage but to hear her inspirational hit "The Climb," which encourages them to be themselves and "keep the faith."

Despite all the self-serving banter about her "taking the wheel" by disrobing, the truth is that a confident, modest Miley would be far more rebellious than a Miley who takes the usual route of pornification. The Britney Spears path out of Disney has, after all, been well-worn. The road less traveled nowadays is for a child star to grow up without stripping down. The problem is thus not really with Miley but with the rest of us - specifically, with our false notions of female empowerment.

It will certainly be interesting to see how this battle for Miley's soul plays out. Will she be able to resist the script we adults are handing her? Does she even want to?

In the meantime, she ought to keep in mind that Audrey Hepburn never needed "hooker boots" or a pole to prove her maturity. And no amount of cleavage can ever reveal a clearer view of Miley than do her work, her leadership and her beautiful personality.

Shalit is the author of "The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels With Self-Esteem and High Standards."

Window Shopping

2009-08-17T14:43:00.005-05:00

I hate to pick on Macy's. They have some of the best sales. And I know they aren't the ones who invented the mini-skirt and all of it's hootenanny crazy cousins, so to be fair here are few wonderful pieces I found on sale last week when I was out window shopping with my 'lil girl. I'm certain she wanted me to buy them, as she kept cooing and smiling as I modelled them for her. I may be kicking myself later that I didn't give in.

My worst fears have been confirmed. My favorites are gone. All gone. Boo! If you need me the rest of the day, I'll be crying softly in the corner. *sniff sniff*

Somebody hold me.

Work Dresses snicker

2009-08-17T09:54:00.006-05:00

As an addendum to my previous post, I thought I'd throw out a few pictures illustrating the babydoll-dress-thingy that seems to be the current ridiculous trend du jour. I actually love the idea of a babydoll style shirt. Most of these dresses (I'm using the term loosely. Very, very loosely.) I'd be happy to pair with a pair of jeans and some cute jewelry. What I take exception with is the marketing of these items as dresses. Work dresses, nonetheless!

See for yourself, courtesy of Macy's:

It's no wonder teenage girls are walking around tugging at their clothes, trying to feel comfortable, when this is what they're told passes for work-appropriate attire by mass retailers. I love me some Macy's, but seriously?

Work dresses?

Puh-leez.

Tug -o- War

2009-08-15T09:25:00.006-05:00

Raise your hand if you've ever played tug-o-war with your clothes. Ooh, that's a lot of hands. I raised both of mine, cuz I'm doubly guilty.

The other day I decided to do something I rarely have time for these days: visit the mall. It'd been so long since I'd been there, I thought it would be nice to just walk around and window shop. I was especially interested in what was coming out for fall.

While wandering around with my baby and my latte (two of the four loves in my life) I kept passing the same teenage girl. She appeared to be shopping with her mom. She was a cute gal, blonde hair, golden tan, clear skin and bright eyes. Unfortunately, the thing that sticks most in my memory of her is not those lovely qualities but rather the one thing that heavily distracted from them: her dress.

Or shall I say, shirt. Worn as a dress. A very short, very low cut shirt, intended to be a shirt (I'm fairly certain) being worn as a dress. *slaps forehead in dismay*

Now before you think I'm gonna bash this poor girl to pieces over her questionable choice of apparel, hear this! I'm not. I feel much to sorry for her to do that.

Here's why. Every time I passed her in the aisle I noticed the same thing. Beautiful girl. Raging war. Distracted tugging up and down. Down and up. Desperation and vain attempts to pull the bottom down and the top up, each tug in one direction undoing what the previous tug had barely accomplished....providing a bit more coverage.

Tug-o-War.

It's soooo NOT fun.

I've been there. I've worn clothes that I thought were supposed to make me feel fun and free and summer breezy. You can imagine my disappointment when instead of feeling free and breezy I felt more tied down and 'bout to blow away. When you're wearing something that's meant to be cool and light and strappy and sunny, the harsh reality is that oftentimes you end up feeling like you're fighting hurricane strength winds every time a little breeze passes your way. And heaven forbid you have to bend over for something. Oy vey! Hopefully you're not wearing heels and you remember to bend with knees, not the back! In this case proper posture won't only save your spine, but also your pride if you do it just right.

So anyhoo, seeing this dear girl and her Apocalyptic Battle of the Babydoll Shirt-Dress-Thingy was a clear reminder to me why I'm happily leaving those naive days of trying to look good in clothes that don't work behind. It's just not worth the trouble. No one looks good fighting with their clothing all day long.

Once again, modesty wins! My only regret is that I didn't realize that fact sooner. I could have avoided a whole lot of embarrassment had I followed my gut and not the fickle whims of fashion. Sometimes what's in style just doesn't do us justice.

And there's nothing cute about that.

Modest Living

2009-08-13T09:14:00.008-05:00

It's been a couple of months now since I took on the challenge of living more modestly. It's taken some getting used to, I'll admit. It's not like I dressed so immodestly before, but more that I just never thought too much about it. I took for granted that because I was a Christian and did my best to live like one, my clothing choices were just inherently okay, whatever they might be. I mean, as long as I didn't look like a prostitute, whatever I wanted to wear was probably fine, right?

I didn't give too much thought to my tops. Certainly I wouldn't pick something that was cut really low, but if it was a bit loose when I bent over, well, I'd just have to try and keep that in mind. If my skirt fell above the knee when I sat down, well, I'd have to be careful of that too. Hold on to the neckline when bending, hold the skirt while sitting down, and don't cross the legs! For the love of Pete, don't cross the legs! Taking evasive action to hold my clothes in place was such a common occurrence for me, it was practically second nature. In fact, I thought doing so was being modest. It never occurred to me there was another way.

As ashamed as I am now to admit it, I really didn't think that there was any room for improvement in my own life in this area. We Christian women are the epitomy of modesty, aren't we? And we've the cornered the market on holiness, no? So when I read the book, "A Return to Modesty", by Wendy Shalit, I no idea what I was in for. I had planned to read it for the cultural critique, which I was sure I already agreed with, not because I thought I needed any personal enlightenment.

Ahem.

But the more I read, and the more I researched the topic of modesty in general, the more I uncomfortable I became, with my wardrobe, with my attitude, with myself.

Not only had I bought into the sexiness lie (you know, where your clothes and your hairstyle and your makeup and accessories should all be making you feel sexy and if they don't some thing's wrong with them, and with you) I'd also let myself become apathetic about taking a proactive approach to modesty.

I thought modesty was something you either are or aren't, not something you do. I was wrong. Turns out, if you want to be modest in anything, whether it's your clothes, your language, your spending, you have to make a choice to do so. It's not just something that happens, though I would say that some people may naturally be more or less modest, depending on their personality and other circumstances.

Now that I've made the choice to live more modestly, I feel empowered. Apparently exposing more, spending more, blabbing more, didn't bring me the satisfaction I'd been promised. Taking back control, rejecting the status quo and owning my choices, even in something as simple as skirt length, has been a better cure for my insecurities, far better than giving in and giving up ever was. Swimming upstream builds endurance and muscles. Going with the flow just makes you weak and lazy.

Pursuing more modesty in my dress has been an open door for me, inviting me to apply the same level of conscientiousness to other areas of life as well. Choosing modesty has caused me to think twice not only about my clothes, but also about my words, my thoughts and how I spend my time and my money. Modesty isn't about being controlled. Rather, it's about being in control. It's about being fully engaged in the world around me and aware of the results of my actions. I can't believe how much I've missed out.

So here I am, taking steps in a different direction and suddenly seeing an entirely new horizon open up before my eyes. I'm engaged. I'm making my own decisions. I'm living.

And I'm loving every modest minute!

Lauren Luke

2009-08-09T13:17:00.007-05:00

I'm officially crazy in love with the new bylaurenluke color palettes at Sephora. Miss Lauren Luke is an everyday gal from the UK who started posting makeup lessons on Youtube a while back. Her tutorials became a smash hit and now she's created her own line of colors called bylaurenluke. I've been catching up on some of her Youtube videos and not only are they incredibly educational, she's practically a joy to watch. She's not the least bit snooty or condescending and her demonstrations and product choices are easy and accessible for makeup users of every caliber. Also, her accent is absolutely delicious. Like ice cream for your ears!

*drool*

Give her a watch and just try and convince me that you're not in love, yourself! (You'll have to follow the 'makeup lessons' link above since I wasn't able to embed a video here. Well worth the jump, guys! I promise.)

A Former Child Star on Modesty, Beauty, and Making It in Hollywood

2009-08-07T08:30:00.005-05:00

The star of ‘Blossom’ reflects on how belief changed her look
By Mayim Bialik 7:00 am July 31, 2009

Wardrobe!

Earlier this year, producers from the TLC make-over show What Not to Wear chose me to “fix.” It was eight months after I had given birth to my second son (my first was 3 years old ), and I had just completed a doctorate in neuroscience.

I had been wearing slouchy clothes since long before I had kids. I favored men’s oversized garments that hung loosely from my body and had never much cared for fashion or trends. For the most part, I spent little to no time on my appearance. From the time I was 19 until I turned 32, I devoted my time to studying, writing a thesis, and starting a family. But the acting itch never completely abated and I had decided to pursue it again rather than stay in academia. The actor’s life I want to pursue gives me more time to raise my children, rather than hand them over to a nanny. Getting a makeover seemed like a great opportunity to put together a new look that I could use on future auditions.

The WNTW producers asked if I have any clothing restrictions. Deep breath. “I don’t wear pants,” I told them. “I prefer skirts.” You see, I am what I guess you’d call a Conservadox Jew. I started embracing certain aspects of Jewish modesty, or tzniut, before my second son was born, and although I know many Orthodox women who don’t observe tzniut, the boundaries and framework of privacy it provides appealed to me.

I was raised in a traditional Reform household, the grand-daughter of poor Orthodox immigrants from Eastern Europe. For them, success in America came at the seemingly small price of relative assimilation. Growing up, I lived a pretty normal life; I had my own prime-time network TV show from the ages of 14 to 19, which meant my physical appearance and clothing choices were dissected on a weekly basis in gossip magazines and on television. I was pretty impervious to media critiques of my style. I had no real sense of my own physicality and took for granted the feminist idea that I should be able to walk around naked without harassment. But I soon learned that not everyone was a feminist.

After graduating from public high school in Los Angeles, I went to college at UCLA, where I met the man who’s now my husband. Knowing we wanted a traditional wedding ceremony, we started studying Judaism together to prepare for it. At first my lessons with an Orthodox instructor were almost anthropological—I was curious as to how Judaism viewed marriage and sexuality, but I did not really intend to increase my level of observance. The more I learned, however, the more my previous distance from traditional Judaism disappeared. I was also a serious person in general, and chose a wedding dress that reflected my serious attitude about marriage. Entering a sacred covenant before G-d, I wore an ankle-length, high-necked Victorian dress with sleeves past the elbow and a heavy veil, reminiscent (I hoped) of the matriarchs Leah and Rebekah.

During the days of the sheva brachot, the seven traditional feasts celebrated in the days after the chuppah ceremony, I tentatively covered my head with scarves and crocheted hats, trying on my new status as a married woman. Beyond wearing a ring, my lifestyle didn’t have a means of representing the change from single to married, and I was cautious about challenging the feminist ideals I’d previously embraced. But I liked feeling a physical representation in my new life as a married woman. In synagogue, I began covering my head with tichels (decorative scarves) from trips to Israel—just as my Orthodox cousins who I used to consider submissive and trapped in an archaic lifestyle taught me to wrap them—and fashionable hats. No flowers allowed. Too Blossom-y.

As my life progressed, tzniut became a bigger part of it and I started appreciating what it means to keep your sexual appeal for yourself and for your partner. I came to see that not everything that makes me beautiful, sexy, or desirable needs to be on display.

In the world of acting, though, maintaining a degree of modesty has been a challenge. I stopped wearing pants outside of the home in November 2007. (I still wear them at home or under dresses.) These days, I am more comfortable in skirts rather than the baggy saggy pants I used to wear. Personally, I feel more attractive and more put-together in a skirt. Tzniut doesn’t mean making yourself less attractive; it means highlighting your strengths within limits.
But my definition of limits and that of the folks at WNTW differed. On and off the set, I discussed my skirt preference with the show’s producers. When the hosts showed me pants as a possible option in my wardrobe, I pointed out that I don’t much wear them. I didn’t claim to be the spokesperson for tzniut; after all, I still wear shirts above the elbows and don’t cover my head regularly.

I got wonderful new clothes, jewelry, and vegan shoes (one of my other preferences). When we filmed me revealing the final outfits they picked, I gently pointed out that skirts above the knee are not something I’d wear, and that I wouldn’t wear sleeveless shirts or dresses without something to cover my arms once I left the set. When the show aired, I saw that my qualifications and explanations did not survive the cutting room.

I don’t wish to claim that there is an “immodest agenda” on WNTW. It’s a show for the average American, who is most likely not Jewish, and if she is Jewish, she’s most likely not observant. In spite of the fact that the hosts kept telling me that I needed to be “sexy” and not “hide” in my clothing, I loved being a part of the show. They were right to encourage me to wear clothing that was my size, and to emphasize my figure where it needed emphasizing. But sexy doesn’t necessarily mean scantily-clad.

The week after WNTW was filmed, I auditioned to play a Hasidic woman on Saving Grace. When the call came in, I laughed, pulled a salvaged Israeli ankle-length dark denim skirt from the floor of my almost bare closet, threw on a WNTW-purchased tank, cardigan, and simple flats, and applied some lovely understated make-up. I booked the part.

Mayim Bialik starred in NBC’s Blossom from 1990 to 1994. More recently she has appeared on Curb Your Enthusiasm and Saving Grace and, this fall, will have a recurring role on The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

Copied from Tablet A New Read on Jewish Life.

New Sites Added!

2009-08-07T07:55:00.004-05:00

Thanks for the suggestions, guys. I've added a couple of more stores to the links list: Land's End and Funkyfrum.

The event I wrote about a couple of weeks ago, my daughter's dedication at church, is not until November so I still have to time to look around. Thank you so much for the suggestions. I'll keep you posted on what I find!

Fashion and Art

2009-08-04T07:53:00.018-05:00

I love fashion. I wouldn't call myself a fashionista (whatever that is) by any means, but I adore reading about and looking at pictures of them in fashion magazines, parading around in all their haute couture glory. Unfortunately it has become almost impossible to enjoy the beauty and genius of fashion designers because of their constant need to embrace vulgarity at the same time. Some fashion magazines contain so much vulgarity it's safe to say they border on being considered pornographic.

At one time I fancied the notion of becoming a model, even sending out pictures to a few agencies, just to see what they'd say. I was offered the chance to join with one, but thankfully came to my senses before I hopped on that pain train. On the surface it sounded like fun, but the little glimpse of modelling reality I saw wasn't all that glamorous. It was scary. Perfection is expected and anything less amounts to personal failure. Not my thing. I rather enjoy my flaws. (Except for the red, blotchy ones on my face. Those flaws need to disappear. Yesterday.)

So a career in fashion never materialized (Haha! Get it? Fashion. Material. I'm hilarious, no?) but that didn't mean I couldn't still adore all things fashion-related. So I still love poring over Vogue, Harpers, Elle and all the rest, soaking up every last drop of texture, color and cut (and all the while wishing that there was a lot more clothes and a lot less nudity). Fashion is art, and I can appreciate that.

In fact, when it's done right, fashion becomes the penultimate artful expression. If you consider the human body the pinnacle of creation, made in the image of the Creator Himself as a finite expression of His infinite Self, then whatever is made to cover, conceal, reveal or accentuate the body takes on an incredible amount of significance. Dressing and designing coverings for the body is a privilege, and should be treated as such.

In fact, from what I understand, artistic ability could even be considered a type of spiritual gift. Judge for yourself:

Now the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 2 “See, I have called by name Bezalel, the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah. 3 “I have filled him with the Spirit of God in wisdom, in understanding, in knowledge, and in all kinds of craftsmanship, 4 to make artistic designs for work in gold, in silver, and in bronze, 5 and in the cutting of stones for settings, and in the carving of wood, that he may work in all kinds of craftsmanship. 6 “And behold, I Myself have appointed with him Oholiab, the son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan; and in the hearts of all who are skillful I have put skill, that they may make all that I have commanded you: 7 the tent of meeting, and the ark of testimony, and the mercy seat upon it, and all the furniture of the tent, 8 the table also and its utensils, and the pure gold lampstand with all its utensils, and the altar of incense, 9 the altar of burnt offering also with all its utensils, and the laver and its stand, 10 the woven garments as well, and the holy garments for Aaron the priest, and the garments of his sons, with which to carry on their priesthood; 11 the anointing oil also, and the fragrant incense for the holy place, they are to make them according to all that I have commanded you.”

Exodus 31:1-11, NASB

Now I realize this passage isn't about fashion, specifically, but about the design of the tabernacle. Nevertheless it is interesting to note the way the artisans and their various talents and skills are described. On each of these men the Creator bestowed unique abilities to create His earthly dwelling place and all of the items to be contained within its walls. The design and dimensions were provided by Him, but the physical creation was left to the workers.

If you are at all familiar with this story, then you'll know that the next chapter of Exodus, chapter 32, describes one of the most humiliating displays of disobedience in the Old Testament.

While Moses has been communing with the LORD on Mount Sinai, receiving these instructions about the tent of meeting, the ark and the tablets of stone commonly known as the Ten Commandments, the people below have been up to no good.

2Aaron said to them, "Tear off the gold rings which are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me."
3Then all the people tore off the gold rings which were in their ears and brought them to Aaron.
4He took this from their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool and made it into a molten calf; and they said, "This is your god, O Israel, who brought you up from the land of Egypt."

Exodus 32:2-4

Do you notice a difference of tone in these passages? In the first one there's an air of excitement and anticipation. The emphasis is on how special this work will be. Words like wisdom, understanding, knowledge, craftsmanship, artistic designs, cutting, carving, skillful, gold, silver, bronze, appointed, called by name, holy, are used to describe the creation of the tabernacle. Artwork inspired by the LORD is brimming with energy!

In the second passage, the tone is flat. There is nothing exciting about the creation of the golden calf. There is no life in the story. There was no life in the god they had created. It was a hollow image of a soulless beast. And yet this is what they were willing to settle for.

So what does all this have to do with fashion?

Well, getting back to the idea that artistic talent is a spiritual gift, when it's used for it's intended purpose, it inspires and even has the potential to facilitate relationship between God and men. As far-fetched as it might seem, I firmly believe that even the clothes we wear (or don't wear, as is sometimes the case!) have the potential to do the same.

The pursuit of modesty isn't about becoming boring or flat or less exciting. Hollow attempts to glorify the body as an end in itself only serve as distractions that keep us from experiencing the best in life: pure relationship with Him and each other. Just like the tabernacle was meant to be an physical example of His glory and splendor and a place to meet and relate with Him, so are we meant to convey His glory and develop relationship with Him and point others in the same direction.

When I look through magazines and see thoughtful creations, pieces that took time and energy and creativity to conceive, I get excited. When designers take the time to put together a look that maintains the wearer's dignity and conceals more than it reveals, I take note. This is the kind of art I want to support. Wearable art that doesn't degrade, well, that's my cup of tea!

Like it or not, what we wear (or not!) says something about us. We can reveal the very best about ourselves by what we don't reveal at all. The next time you get dressed, think about the statement you're making. If you're lucky, you'll give your self the chance to embrace true beauty and let that be what the world sees when they look in your direction.

Blessings!

First for Women, Update

2009-08-03T09:06:00.003-05:00

I received a reply from First for Women to the email I sent concerning the "skimpiest bikini" advice from the Aug. 24 issue (read about it here).

Dear Melissa, Thank you for taking the time to contact First for Women with your concern. We are sorry that one of our “7 ways to spend your summer ‘staycation’” was off-putting. Your message has been forwarded to the editor of the page for her review and consideration. As we continue to search for new ways to improve our magazine, input from First readers helps us determine what is most important. Again, we thank you for your feedback and are sorry to learn that the content of our magazine has offended you. Very best regards,

I'm grateful for the reply and hope the editors are sincere in their desire to improve the content of their magazine. For the most part I enjoy First for Women, but sometimes it's the little, seemingly innocuous statements that tell the real story. I'm willing to give them another chance but I hope I don't find any more distasteful suggestions regarding skimpy bikinis and kiddie pools in the future.

Sheesh.

How to Enjoy Your Staycation....And Ruin Mine

2009-07-30T13:56:00.007-05:00

I found this (not) cute little tidbit today in the August 24, 2009, First magazine. On the last page (pg. 110) is a list of ways to have fun this summer, even if you have to stay home instead of going away on vacation. Six of the seven suggestions were cute and funny, but number one just rubbed me the wrong way:

7 ways to spend your summer "staycation"

1.) Show off your skimpiest bikini...at the kiddie pool.

I know it's a joke, and I know many mothers wouldn't consider wearing a skimpy bikini to the kiddie pool, but c'mon. Not only does the thought of wearing a bikini anywhere frighten the behoodles out of most women, but wearing it to the kid's pool....get real. And I said most mothers, not all of them. I remember once, as a young girl, seeing a woman at our local pool wearing a sheer white one-piece suit and naively wondering if she realized that everyone could see through it when it was wet. Ah, the innocence of youth....too young to understand that some people don't possess the ability to be embarrassed, even (and sometimes especially) when they desperately need it.

Over the past few summers a friend and I have taken our young sons to a local splash park to play. Most of the parents there wear a swim suit or shorts and tank tops; something comfortable and easy to splash around in. I remember she and I having a discussion about what to wear because neither one of us felt comfortable even wearing a full-coverage one piece suit there, at least not without a pair of shorts or skirt over it. I actually went out and bought a suit with a tennis-style skirt bottom and tank top so that I would be more covered. There's just something weird about showing skin in public and especially around families small children.

It's weird.

Everywhere we turn today there are sexy images and sexy clothes and sexy voices selling sex, sex, sex. And now we have mainstream women's magazines advising us to have fun this summer by showing off our sexy selves in skimpy swimsuits at the kiddie pool.

Where has all the modesty gone?

Please, the next time you take the kids to the pool, do me and everyone else a favor and keep it covered.

Thanks.

-Hunnybee

May I Introduce You?

2009-07-27T07:59:00.002-05:00

I made a new friend yesterday. Her name is Sephora. She lives at JC Penney. She also has her own website. Maybe you've already met her. I'm kind of slow on the uptake so yesterday was our first official meeting.

It's not the first time I've seen her. She's been at JCP for awhile. I was intimidated, though. Too shy to introduce myself. What if she didn't like me? What if her tastes we too expensive for me? I didn't want to make a fool out myself trying to fit in with someone who might look down on me and my drugstore brand ways.

I needn't have worried. After checking her out from a safe distance online, I mustered up the courage to pay her a real visit. I spent a few minutes scoping her out from the misses department, but then I to heck with this silliness and went for it.

Sephora is soooo nice. She is like the coolest friend, evah! Sure some of her stuff is expensive, but some of it isn't. And whatever you like, she'll give you like a whole weeks worth to try at home. For free! Isn't that great? I think it's great.

Also, before you even pick out the samples you want to try, Sephora will help you figure out which lines are best for you so you don't waste your time or money on stuff you won't like, in my case, skincare. My hormones have been totally wack-a-doo since giving birth eight months ago and my poor skin has become the object of their torture. I'm red and blotchy and bumpy and sad. Sephora understood. She really did. She listened and smiled and then led me over to the Korres section where she proceeded to explain each product and what it could do for me. And she let me sniff and touch and try them out right then and there. Can't do that in a drugstore!

After ten minutes of questions and answers, Sephora and I decided on the Korres Wild Rose line. We headed up to the counter where she proceed to dole out each and every product into little miniature jars for me to take home and try this week. Oh! And to top it off she even gave me a little sample jar of any perfume in the store. Oh! Oh! I chose Light Blue by Dolce and Gabbana. It smells just like summer.

So now here I am at home, soaking up my serum and eye cream and lotion and perfume (after cleansing, of course) and feeling fancy and special and maybe even just a little bit....pretty. And it's all because of my new best friend........

Sephora!

Current Conditions: Hot and Sunny with a Chance to Bare it All (or not)

2009-07-24T06:17:00.005-05:00

Oh my poor blog. I've so neglected it. I'm surprised I didn't find any weeds sprouting when I finally came back to write another post. This blog is like my third baby. Except it doesn't cry and make messes and keep me up at night. And it's easy to ignore (unlike my screaming banshee children who regularly awaken with the sun and insist I do the same, ready or not).

Okay, sometimes it keeps me up at night, but it's only because I can't turn off the word processor in my head. I've written some AMAZING posts at night. Down right brilliant! If only I'd thought to put them on paper before I fell asleep. I'm always certain I'll remember them the next morning, (how do you forget such genius?) but alas, that's rarely the case. *sigh*

I haven't given up on the blog or the topic, though. Not at all. And I haven't given up on sharing my thoughts though sometimes I have to wonder if it's really worth the effort. One tiny blog. One giant blogosphere. I have no expectations that I'm going to change the world. If anything, this little spot on the web is my confessional booth and you all are my listening ears, keeping me accountable as I try to live out what I believe and make the changes I've committed to making. I guess if I keep that in mind, then it is worth it. Every second.

So, as it turns out, summertime is hot. Didn't you know? Heat and sunshine make modesty extra challenging, I've discovered. And I'm not so sure what to do about it.

I hate being hot. But I hate being uncovered too. Oy.

And then there's this: Because I don't belong to a denomination that has clear "do's" and "don't's" about dress, I'm not always sure what's okay and what's not. I mean, I realize that whether or not I wear a tank top in public that occasionally exposes my bra strap isn't going to bring about the Apocalypse or cause the downfall of Western Civilization (I'm leaving that up to Hannah Montana) it's still one of those questions that has me stumped. How much should I be worried about such things. How short is too short? Calf length? Knee length? I'm pretty sure appendix scar length is too short, but how can I be sure?

While I appreciate the fact that many churches and denominations have stopped preaching "rules" and have instead turned to preaching principles to guide daily life, I still find it hard to figure out what my principles are. Or better yet, what they should be.

Sometimes I just wish there was a handbook, you know.

Instead I'm trying to listen to my conscience and follow what it tells me, even if I don't like what it has to say. I'm not always sure about some of my choices, whether I'm being too strict or whether I'm compromising, but I have a general direction in mind and that's the way I'm moving. I'm hoping the details come together as I work my way toward the goal.

I also wish there were more role models, whether in the public sphere or in a more local sense. I attended our church picnic a few weeks ago. I saw more skin than you could shake a stick at. And lest you think I'm being judgemental, well, I've only just recently taken this topic seriously so I can't exactly point fingers without pointing out my self along with the others. And the only reason I'm doing any pointing at all is to highlight the fact that somewhere along the way, some thing's gone askew. And we're all it's victims and we're all too blame.

Again: Oy.

Maybe we need to go back to teaching rules about dress, what is allowed, what isn't. I have a feeling that would go over like a lead-lined safe, at least at my church. The truth hurts, doesn't it?

Maybe we've stopped teaching principles. Maybe our culture is just to influential, and there's really not much that can be done on a large scale. Perhaps the battle for modesty has become an individual one, each man and woman now required to take inventory of their beliefs, their conscience, and then do what they must to stand against the current. It helps when you have something to hang on to. You know, like other people who are standing with you.

Unfortunately I'm not sure that there are enough men and women concerned, or concerned enough to do something about it in themselves and in their children, to make a difference. It's one thing to think that there's something wrong with our over-sexed and over-exposed culture, and, "Gee, someone ought to do something." It's another thing to realize that you are in fact a teeny, tiny little piece of the culture and if "someone" ought to be doing something, well maybe that someone is you.

Individual responsibility.

What a concept!

I'm trying. My success rate is....eh. I'm not running around half naked or anything. But sometimes I just don't feel like trying, either. I have excuses. It's hot. I don't have anything to wear. And like I said before, it'd help if I had an actual set of rules. But since I don't I'm trying to learn to listen to my heart and follow what it says. And in order to give my heart the very best chance at leading me in the right direction, I also try and keep it full of good things like Scripture and gratitude and beautiful thoughts and images. Purity in=purity out, right?

Right.

So with that in mind, I'm off to face another day.

Another hot, sticky day.

Modestly.

Oh boy!

Too Long. Too Short. Too Low. Too Expensive. In Summary: Why I Hate Shopping.

2009-07-10T06:46:00.006-05:00

I've spent the last week shopping around online for a dress. It's a little early, but I'm already on the hunt for an outfit to wear for Christiana's dedication in church this fall. I've searched most of the major retailers in my area and so far haven't found anything that meets my criteria.

I didn't think my preferences would be so limiting.

In all fairness, summer may not be the best time to look for a cool-weather outfit but I'm a planner and I need as much time as possible to weigh all my options. So I tend to start early, you see.

Ideally, I'd like something that's not sleeveless, not low-cut, falls below the knee and is reasonably priced. Oh, and fashionable. As much as I respect the Amish and their plain-Jane polyester convictions, I don't really want to be mistaken for one on that special day. So far I've located exactly zero options.

Don't get me wrong. I have no trouble finding something that meets one or two of the requirements. Maybe even all but one. But something that offers full coverage, doesn't ride thigh-high when I sit down and won't put me on food stamps if I purchase it....nada.

I tried searching the Work Dresses section at a few department store websites thinking that maybe something appropriate for the office would do the job. After checking out a few sites I've since learned that 'professional' can now mean 'mini' and 'work-appropriate' can also mean 'sleeveless sun-dress'. I'm stumped.

Most stores had an Evening Dress section and a Casual Dress Section. I'm not planning on wearing a cocktail dress to my daughters dedication and since 'professional' now apparently means 'sexy party dress' you can imagine what the casual dress section had in store.

There are maxi-dresses. Those are cute and really, really long. But a little too cleavage-y for church. Or anywhere, really, if you ask me. And by the time you try adding a cardigan or t-shirt underneath, well, you might as well be wearing a couple of bed sheets hitched up with a jump-rope. Never mind the very likely possibility of me tripping in the darn thing. I'd rather not tempt fate. Or look like I'm wearing a Laura Ashley bed skirt.

Actually there are a lot of really cute dresses out there. If the neckline came a little higher and the length was just a little longer (excluding the previously mentioned maxi-dress) they'd be perfect. I'm tall so I really need the extra length, and like a lot of women I get tired of having to remember to hold my top in place when I bend over to reach for something. Two simple problems, but not a lot of solutions that I can see.

I'm keeping up the hunt though. When I land my prize I'll post it. In the meantime I've found no shortage of absolutely adorable munchkin-sized dresses for my lil' miss. There's no doubt at all that she will look perfect on her special day!

Moday is Fun-day!

2009-07-06T07:15:00.011-05:00

Mondays don't have the best reputation. It's unfortunate, but true. I like Mondays, especially if they're sunny and bright and I've had a good night's sleep. I like to get up early to get a head start on the day. Sometimes my plan to take on the week full-throttle doesn't go as planned but it's always worth a shot.

Today is no different. It's light and clear out today. Today will be a park day, no doubt.

I thought I'd attempt to add something light and bright to the blog, as well. If I'm really ambitious I'll try to do it every Monday.

Heh.

(I said I'll try. Don't hold your breath. You might die waiting.)

Anyhoodles, here's today Monday Fun-day:

(Doesn't really have anything to do with purity or modesty, per se. They're just so durn cute, I couldn't resist. Who could, really?)

It's Dr. Suess! Who doesn't love Dr. Suess? I'm so diggin' these onesies, it's not even funny. I can picture my lil cutie-pie cruising around in that top butterfly one. Pardon me while I go add these to my wish list.

You can find these and lots more coolio baby stuff at http://www.theretrobaby.com/.

Happy Monday!

More Modesty Blogs!

2009-07-02T14:23:00.002-05:00

If you want to read what other gals are saying about modesty, check out Modestly Yours, a blog written by a group of women and devoted to the topic of modesty. I highly recommend!

Home Again

2009-06-30T12:17:00.009-05:00

This weekend I had the privilege of spending a few days back in my hometown and it was one of the best weekends I've had in quite a long time. I won't blather on too much about the details, but it was a truly restful and enjoyable visit. We were able to spend a lot of time with my mom at her home and our family reunion, which was the purpose of our visit, was held at one of my favorite parks. The weather was cool and breezy and the trees were happy to provide us all the shade we could want. I even had the chance to tiptoe across a waterfall, just like old times! All in all, it was a fabulous time....just what I was hoping.

Yes, it was cold.

And yes, I almost fell in.

A Little More About Me, Hunnybee

2009-06-25T07:33:00.011-05:00

I came across this verse yesterday while reading in Proverbs.

My son, eat honey, for it is good, Yes, the honey from the comb is sweet to your taste; Know that wisdom is thus for your soul; If you find it, then there will be a future, And your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:13, 14

We live in a society lacking in wisdom and principles, and I feel driven to seek out and find every opportunity to apply it to my life. The world around us claims that a life without rules is sweet (pronounced suh-weet!) and yet the more of that life I get, the more I yearn for something more. And that yearning hasn't been satisfied. I guess I've learned the painful lesson that by slowly giving into one little compromise after another it's easy to end up someplace you never intended. I was supposed to feel awesome. Why do I feel worse than before I started compromising? Now I want to taste the truly sweet life, the goodness of this honey wisdom spelled out here so clearly.

It seems to me that Christians, especially American Christians who greatly prize the ideals of personal freedom and liberty, have lost some of the benefits associated with the more traditional codes of living. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm believer in liberty and freedom, especially when it comes to knowing Christ! But there is another kind of freedom and safety that exists inside boundaries that does not exist on the outside. Sometimes I think we've exchanged a certain set of rules of daily conduct in exchange for personal freedom (as in how we dress, speak, conduct our daily lives) and in reality just bought ourselves a whole new set of problems. Now we're wandering around wondering why we feel so stuck.

I don't have a concrete direction or any sort of finish line, per se, that I'm trying to reach. There is no final destination to this journey, at least not one that I can define at this point. There is something beautiful missing from my life...our lives, if I may be so bold. Women and men alike are suffering because of it. We exhaust our energies trying to achieve perfection, trying to get something back from the world by giving away control of our beliefs about ourselves. It's time to take that back. I want to be in charge of what I believe about myself.

Better yet, I want the Author of Peace to be in charge of what I think about myself. His measuring stick is perfect and it's about time I start judging myself by the standard He supplies, not the corrupt world around me. I want to taste the sweetness of His wisdom, not the bitterness that comes from failing to meet someone else's standard yet again.

So this is who I am and this is where I'm at in my life. Having wondered and wandered and now making a conscious effort to turn to the scriptures and those around me whose lives display more wisdom than my own and finally claim what He gave me to begin with: Myself.

-Hunnybee

Emi-Jay Accessories

2009-06-23T06:31:00.008-05:00

Well, my goal was to get up bright and early this morning so I'd have some alone time to work on my next post. However, when I got out of bed at 5:30 this morning, my three-year-old was already up. (That noise you're hearing is the sound of the universe pointing and laughing in my general direction).

Anyhoodles, since I don't have time to compose, I thought I'd at least leave you with something interesting to look at, since you kindly took the time to pay me a visit and I hate to disappoint.

These little doohickies don't have much to do with modesty or purity, but they are purdy kweel, if you ask me.

They're called Emi-Jay hair ties, and their sort of a silky, stretchy, prettier version of your average hair elastic. Since my hair spends 98.7743% of it's time pulled back in a bun or pony tail, kweel hair accessories are a must. These are on my to-buy list. They come in packages of ten, either multi-color or classic colors of black, brown and navy, for $10.99 per package. You can order them at Emi-Jay. According to the website, they have headbands and more coming out in the fall!

Incidently, I said these accessories don't have much to do with modesty, but as I was typing this something occurred to me. About two years ago I decided to start growing my hair long. It's always been about chin-length, even since childhood, so I wondered what it would be like to hair long, flowing hair.

I imagined it looking gorgeous and sexy and causing major fits of envy in every woman who laid eyes on me.

Because, really that's what life is all about, right? Making other people jealous. Umm, yeah.

Well, a funny thing happened. The longer my hair got, the more uncomfortable I became wearing it down. And not just because it was hot and sticky either. It was something more. I felt...hmmm....vulnerable.

Is that weird?

I think it might be weird.

But it's the truth.

When I wear my hair down now, I feel exposed. I feel like everyone can see me and maybe I don't want to be seen as much as I thought I did.

My husband loves it when I wear it down and maybe that's part of my feeling uncomfortable with it. I mean, I'm not uncomfortble with him, but when he goes on and on about how beautiful he finds it and how much he likes seeing me with it down...well....I guess I realize the power of sensuality.

Maybe I'm just not used to having long hair, so I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. But I can't ignore my feelings either. There's something special about withholding a part of yourself from the eyes of the world and saving it for the eyes of only one.

I did that with other parts of myself in the past. My husband and I both did. We saved intimacy for marriage and have never regretted that decision. We've never felt any negative repercussions of saving a part of our lives for only each other.

And now strangley, here I am again. In a world of over-exposure and convincing lies about the necessity and exhilaration of feeling sexy, lies that I was starting to believe myself, I find I'm being more and more drawn to with hold more of myself from the eyes of strangers. I feel the urge to cover up, pull back.....

Preserve.

Yes, as dorky as it might seem, I find it more appealing to wear my long, sexy hair up and back, out of the sight of strangers who haven't earned the right to see it. The more the world tells me to chill out and get over my body issues, too lighten up and loosen up, to go for the sex-appeal and enjoy the limelight....well the more I feel like just buttoning up, tieing back and minding my own business.

So there, world.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

The Veil

2009-06-20T16:19:00.001-05:00

Give exceeding thanks for the mystery which remains a mystery still - the veil that hides you from the infinite, which makes it possible for you to believe in what you cannot see.

- Robert Nathan

Speaking of Swine....

2009-06-19T09:45:00.004-05:00

This morning I came across this proverb:

As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.

Proverbs 11:22

On the surface it seems quite obvious why placing a gold ring in a pig's nose is a ridiculous idea. At least it seemed obvious to me.

Gold=pretty and valuable.

Pigs=gross.

Gold jewelry on a pig=weird and disgusting.

Does it really require explanation? I looked to see what explanations were floating around on the web and found the same basic idea in the places I checked. I was still curious though, and thought I would look into the idea of nose rings for pigs and see if there was more to this proverb than meets the eye.

I did some research and found that farmers sometimes place nose rings on pigs to keep them from rooting. Rooting is when a pig uses its snout to dig around in the ground in order to explore or search for food. It's a natural behavior in pigs but one that can be destructive or even dangerous depending on where and how vigorously the animal roots. Therefore some farmers place rings on the pig's nose to prevent them from causing damage or injury to themselves.

Sometimes the act of rooting can cause the rings to come off and be lost. Also, pigs are known for being curious creatures and will root around in all sorts of places if allowed, including their own pens. Farmers often go to the trouble of using multiple rings so that if one comes off they don't have to try and coral the pig to replace it. If you consider the contents of a pig pen then you can begin to see why a farmer would want to stay out of the pen as much as possible, and why using multiple rings is often necessary.

Today the rings are made of copper and have sharp points on them which cause the animal pain if it continues to root. Some consider these rings inhumane and feel sorry for animals that are forced to wear them. I tried finding an answer to what the rings were made of in Biblical times, but no luck. It makes sense though that just as today, farmers then wouldn't make these rings out of anything valuable since it was likely to be lost eventually in the muck. No farmer wants to go rooting around himself, looking for lost gold ring in the pen.

Thinking of the first, more simple interpretation, the idea that a gold ring in a pig's yucky nose is just plain ridiculous implies the obvious truth that a grown woman who lacks discretion usually ends up looking just plain ridiculous herself. Whether it's in her dress or her speech or any other unbecoming behavior, the sight of woman behaving ridiculously tends to cause the observer to feel both pity and repulsion. Secondly, we see the futility of placing something of such great worth in a merely functional and filthy position. What a waste.

When the outside world sees that we don't have need for painful motivators, such as the pig's nose ring, they also see that we have understanding of the ways of the world. We choose not to root around in the filth around us because we understand our own worth in the eyes of our Maker. Women of honor do not allow themselves to become a mockery by wasting their beauty on pigs and pigpens. What a shame it is to see a beautiful woman who has no idea of her potential and her value.

Discretion and modesty are not means to repress and opress women, rather they are meant to guide and protect women from the muck of the world. The more often we choose to show discretion in our dress, our speech and our other daily pursuits the more opportunities we have to reflect God's glory to a yucky, ridiculous world and the more we find the joy of having His glory radiate through us.

Praiseworthy

2009-06-18T09:29:00.003-05:00

A new friend I met through Facebook shared this interpretation of Proverbs 31:30 with me (in the comments section of my previous post "Normal Isn't Normal Anymore"). I thought it was a beautiful description of what the pursuit of purity is all about, at least in my mind. I don't desire change as an end in itself, but as a means of reflecting a deeper understanding of my purpose and position in His creation.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, when that is all there is, but when a woman fears heaven, then her beauty is praisworthy because the container correctly reflects the content.

Thanks Tirtsa for sharing this thought. I've taken it to heart and hope it to become true in my life.

Normal Isn't Normal Anymore

2009-06-16T08:31:00.008-05:00

This morning I was watching Fox and Friends. The last segment featured reality star Kim Kardashian, of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Kim is the daughter of Robert Kardashian, the (now deceased) lawyer of OJ Simpson fame. Anyway, apparently a few months ago some magazine shots of Kim were released before they had been air-brushed. This was a terrible mistake because the 'before' shots revealed a shocking truth.

Kim has cellulite. (This is why she was brought on the show...to reveal the alarming truth about her thighs.)

She claims that by openly admitting to the fact that she possesses cellulite she wants to be a role model to young women, like her little sisters, who don't apparently don't have any good role models. And by 'good role model', she means someone like her, a woman who's willing to admit they have normal anatomy.

If you aren't familiar with Kim or her show or any of her other infamous pursuits at fame, you're not missing much. Her reputation isn't exactly stellar, if you know what I mean. But the ironic part is that despite her questionable reputation (due in part to her appearance in Playboy magazine and a viral sex video with her boyfriend a few years ago) we're supposed to stand up and applaud her for simply acknowledging the fact that she has normal adipose tissue on her body, just like you and me. Her questionable lifestyle, well that's her business, right? That part has nothing to do with being a role model. Being a role model for women is all about how you feel about your fat.

Yeah, all women have fat on their bodies. It's the way we were created. With out it we wouldn't be able to do things like menstruate, become pregnant, nurse infants.....or live. Cellulite is one of those special, dimply parts of being female.

So what I'm wondering is if I can be a role model too? I mean I have fat on my body and I'm willing to admit it. I'll do it for free. See! I'm doing it right now.

I Have Fat! I Have Fat!

Heck, my seven month old daughter has dimply thighs. Can she get her own morning show segment too?

I understand that our culture prizes beauty and flawlessness. I get that. So on one hand the fact that this girl is willing to publicly admit to her 'flaws' is unique. On the other hand, it may just be another opportunity for a fame-seeking Hollywooder to get attention. I don't know Kim so I can't speak to her motives, but I have my suspicions.

And more than that, I have my doubts about how praising women for admitting that they have normal bodies is going to advance the cause of women in society. Our culture convinces women that to be happy and normal they mustn't possess any fat cells and if they do there's something wrong with them. "If you're normal, you're not normal," we tell them. So the counter culture comes along and says 'No! That's wrong!' and tries to balance the scales by getting famous women to admit that they do have fat cells, but they're okay with it, that they're okay with not being perfect. Meanwhile, both sides are still sending the same message that it's the fat cells that count and not what a woman does with her life or who she is that matters. (And by the way, who gets to decide what's perfect? Isn't perfect in the eye of the beholder? Maybe there are too many beholders? Maybe if only one person got to behold another we wouldn't even be having the What's Perfect debate? Just a thought for another day, perhaps.)

What if women were perfect no matter how big their fat cells are? What if it was okay for women to put down the fashion magazines, turn off the dieting shows, put on a comfortable long skirt and a lovely blouse that didn't show off their best assets and distract from the 'flaws' and just be themselves?

At some point somebody...me....you....anyone reading this who thinks they'd like the world to stop being such a hostile place for humans, are going to have to stand up and stop applauding the ridiculous. We are going to have to stop buying the lies about weight and clothing and sexiness and start praising each other for being who we were made to be, women created in the likeness God and meant to express His love for the world around us. Our priorities are in the wrong place. It takes work to change that. But I think the blessings we stand to reap are well worth the effort.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. Prov. 31:30

Shade

2009-06-15T07:21:00.006-05:00

I ordered two shirts from a company called Shade. Same style, different prints. They were on sale for $4.99 each! I love tanks but am forever having to fight the battle of the wandering bra strap. Then there's the issue of leaning over and being over-exposed. These tops have wide straps and are cut higher on the chest so there's a lot less adjusting to manage throughout the day. Also, I'm a big fan of the bubble style since it's more flattering to the female form, as opposed to the tight and stretchy tanks one ususally finds in stores today. I've relegated my stretchy tanks to pajama duty since that what they seem best suited for, in all honesty.

I've worn both of these tops with jeans and bermuda shorts for a casual look and with skirts and a cardigan for a dressier look. Versatility is a must, of course. All in all I'm really pleased with the quality and price of the tops and will definitely consider purchasing from Shade again.

Shade also features some great swimwear options, with a variety of tankini tops and bottoms that can be mixed and matched to create your ideal suit. I particularly like Shade's suits because the tops are cut extra long (no riding up!) and there are bottoms that are cut like boy-shorts but with more flattering detail. I'm not in the market for a new suit this year, but if I were Shade would be getting my business!

Shade carries: Womens (S-XL), Mens, Girls, and Maternity sizes.

Pearls and Swine

2009-06-12T07:22:00.001-05:00

Have you seen this new show, "How to Look Good Naked"? It's on Lifetime and is hosted by Carson Kressley of "Queer Eye" fame. And in case your wondering, yes Mr. Kressley is gay, because if there's anyone who understands the pressures of being a woman in today's society, it's a gay man. The basic premise of the show, from what I gather, is that women today have a lot of body issues and the best way for women to overcome these body issues is to get naked in front of as many people as possible (ie. on national television) to prove that they are NOT ashamed of their bodies.

Right.

I haven't watched the show in it's entirety but I did catch part of one episode, once. It was the most embarrassing show I think I've ever seen. And when I say embarrassing, I don't mean that I was embarrassed for myself as much as I was for the women on the show. I kept having to change the channel....not because of the nudity (though there was some) but because of the cringe factor. I was so embarrassed for the victims, I mean women, and kept having to look away. I'm cringing inside right now just thinking about it.

It's true that women today do seem to possess a lot of negative feelings about their appearances. The show has that much right. Diet and exercise have become the new American pass time. I won't even begin to describe the number and types of ways we utilize our media resources in effort to help us control our waistlines. It is a cultural obsession, to be sure.

But how did we get here in the first place? And how do we end up at the ridiculous conclusion that the best way for women to cure their 'body issues' is to expose their bodies to millions of strangers?

I'm confused.

Here's my dilemma:

Have you ever heard the story of the pearls and the swine? It's a proverb told by Jesus in His Sermon on the Mount. The verse says this: Do not give to dogs what is sacred; do not cast your pearls before swine. If you do they may trample them under their feet and then turn and tear you into pieces. Matt. 7:6

Jesus warns us of the dangers of treating our most precious possessions carelessly. We understand the literal statement of "do not cast your pearls before swine", and the context in which He is speaking implies the withholding of spiritual pearls from those would only abuse them. But I think we can apply the idea to other areas of life, as well.

Think about it. What image comes to mind when you think of pigs? I'll tell you what comes to my mind:

Filth.

Swine wallow in filth.

We live in a filth-driven society. It's everywhere. It's commonplace. We're just so used to living in the pigpen that we don't really notice the stench anymore. Now we have television shows that encourage women to get naked in public as a means of feeling better about themselves. Um, sure. Public nudity used to be the thing of nightmares, now it's prime time t.v.

And let me say this, the portions of the show that I watched were not only cringe-worthy, they were heartbreaking to watch. Even when the subject of the episode I watched was convinced to stand nude in a store front window, she would only do so with her backside showing. She just couldn't be coerced, I mean convinced, into showing it all.

Why do we so easily buy into the lie that we must show more skin in order to prove to the world that we like ourselves? We may succeed in convincing others but are we really convinced ourselves? Or do we really just end up feeling worse for the wear?

If we listened to the words of Christ and took more care of our most precious possession, our bodies, wouldn't the obvious conclusion be to keep ourselves concealed instead of revealed? It seems like the goal would be to keep the sacred as far away from the dogs and pigs as possible, not parade it around in front of them while they snort and howl, hoping for their approval. Would we really tolerate such ridiculous ideas like "How to Look Good Naked" if we valued ourselves enough to pick and choose carefully to whom we revealed our precious selves? And would really want to watch other women be put through the humiliating ordeal of public nudity and then try and convince ourselves that we are helping to liberate her by watching her finally go through with it?

I sincerely hope that this Modesty Revolution takes off, and with a vengeance. I'm on board and I know plenty of other women who are too. Enough is enough already. We are worth more than this sort of treatment. Call me a prude. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you like. It is time to start treating ourselves with sort of respect and dignity we deserve and need. The world is not going to do it for us. They are not going to hand back what we have so freely given away.

Ladies, it's time to take back the pearls.

Featured Site

2009-06-11T11:00:00.001-05:00

Vintage Hem is an online store that sells slips. Their motto is "Say it with a Slip!". The slips are meant to be seen and help add length and spunk to your skirts. I love this idea because not only do these slips help in the pursuit of modesty, they also add versatility to your wardrobe by creating options! Women love options.

Vintage Hem carries: Petite/Girls, and Womens (XS-XL)

You can check out the Vintage Hem blog here.

Featured Site

2009-06-10T09:31:00.001-05:00

I've added a link for a site called Just Denim Skirts. I'll give you one guess what they sell.

Okay, two guesses, but that's it. :)

Anyhoo, they have some longer styles and colors that I have to admit are beautiful! These are not your typical plain-jane medium-wash K-Mart-style jean skirts. Prices seem comparable to those of good quality jeans in any department store. They also carry petite, plus, tall and extra-tall sizes.

I know finding stylish and modest clothing options can be difficult and very few people like spending time traipsing around the mall with nothing to show for it, so I'll try and continue to add links as I find them. Leave me comments with your own links too if you find some you'd like to share. I'll do my best to keep them coming.

Unfortunatley I wasn't able to copy and paste any photos of my favorite skirts, but I highly recommend checking out the site.

Private Matters

2009-06-08T09:38:00.000-05:00

For the past few months I've been thinking about my son and the world he is growing up in. Every night when I tuck him in I say a prayer with him and ask that he be always protected and given wisdom beyond his years so that he might know how to protect himself in those moments that I'm not present to do it myself. As much as I don't want to think about it, I know those moments are going to exist, if they haven't already. He won't always be playing in the safety of his own backyard under my watchful eye. Eventually he's going to grow up and while he does there will be times he's on his own, required to make decisions that I can't make for him.

It's a difficult path to walk. On the one hand you know that your children need independence, or should I say secure independence, an area of life where they can be free to explore, make decisions and try out their budding wings with out the risk of getting injured too badly if they mess up. But on the other hand this world, heck....my own neighborhood, isn't exactly the testing grounds I had in mind. There are too many people I don't know, too many definitions of 'safe', too many unknowns for me to feel secure, let alone my precious boy. And yet, he's going to grow up whether I like it or not. How do I prepare him?

The Gift of Boundaries

According to one of my parenting books, by the age of three children should stop seeing the parent of the opposite sex in the nude, and the parent of the same sex by the age of four. Now I'm not going to go into detail about this topic as it pertains to my daily life, but I will say this:

When Michael was a baby I didn't have to much concern over what he did or didn't see when he was with me throughout the day. Of course as he's gotten older, I've taken the necessary steps back, allowing separation and boundaries to become more apart of my interaction with him. In some ways it was painful at first. I wanted him to stay my baby. I didn't want to have to think about such things. As long as he was my baby he could be with me all the time, and it didn't matter. I was afraid that those steps of separation would somehow cause him to be less mine. But in reality I couldn't do that without it costing him something. This is true in lots of areas, not just the issue of privacy. It's simply not fair to not set up guidelines for your children and help them learn to appreciate the gift of boundaries.

Over the last six months or so I've become much more insistent with my son that he cannot just barge into the bedroom or bathroom whenever he wants me. It's not that he's become aware of the differences between men and women either. If he has, I'm not aware of it. It's really about something more than that. It's about manners and family relationships and more. It's about his safety.

See, there's been a few times I've sat him down and tried to have the "private parts" discussion. One of my deepest fears is that he will be hurt by someone in that way. Whenever I tried to explain to him what private parts were and who can and can't touch them he'd respond with a blank stare. And why wouldn't he? That's got to be the most bewildering conversation for a three-year-old. At least my three-year-old, the one who'll run around the house naked and screaming about choo-choos and firetrucks with absolutely no inhibitions whatsoever. I guess that's what you call 'being innocent'.

I know as a parent it's my responsibility to teach him such things to help prepare him for the world out there, the one that doesn't always have his best interest in mind. It's my job to make sure he's safe, and that he knows how to stay that way. I myself was molested at the age of four or five, so three didn't seem to early for me to address the topic.

But something occurred to me. Maybe the lesson isn't in the words. Maybe the lesson is in the lifestyle. Maybe the real way to get to the heart of the matter is by making it a matter of practice in our day to day life.

Privacy matters. There is safety in privacy. If I want my children to understand the sanctity of their own bodies then I need to not just talk about it to them, but show them how to create the proper boundaries for themselves.

So, 'barging in' is not tolerated. I know it's easy as parents to just casually put up with kids waltzing in and out of the bathroom or bedroom as they please and when they're so little you really wonder 'what's the harm?'. Sometimes they scream and cry if they can't get in a locked door. But I think the harm is this: If you don't show them that you respect and demand your own privacy then how will they learn to do that for themselves? It's not just about teaching them to be polite and knock before entering, it's about modeling for them the fact that each individual has the right to privacy and that includes them. Saying it is good. Living it is better.

I'm no parenting expert here. I'm just sharing what has come to my own heart and hoping that I'm on the right track.

We live in such a casual society, but I'm realizing that there is so much in life that is sacred that we just don't honor the way we should. We've lost something because of it. We've lost our dignity, I think. My children were created in the image of their Maker and I want them to understand that. I want them to be in awe of that fact and never let anyone convince them that they are just skin, just arms, just legs. They are a living, breathing, albeit limited, interpretation of the divine, made to reflect His glory into a dark places and revel in His creation. The more they understand about how special His creations are, the more they will understand about Him. And I'll do everything in my power to see that they have the opportunity to do just that.

Even if it means simply locking the door.

Links

2009-06-06T08:19:00.001-05:00

I'd like to compile a list of links pertaining to purity, modesty....all things wholesome. They don't have to just be about clothing or the topic of modesty, specifically. I've included a few already, but really I'm just looking for safe, uplifting, interesting sites to link for anyone who's interested in checking them out. If you know of any sites that you'd like to share, please do so. Thanks!

Chasing Fame

2009-06-05T07:43:00.000-05:00

When I was a little girl I attended private school. Girls were required to wear skirts or dresses most of the year. In the coldest winter months we could wear pants. The rest of the time we wore shorts under our skirts so there were no embarrassing mishaps on the playground. As long as you had shorts on underneath you could hang from the monkey bars, jump off the swings and do cartwheels 'til you puked. It was a magical time.

Even after I left elementary school and moved on to junior high and high school I still often wore a pair of biker shorts under my skirt. I didn't play on the playground anymore. There were no monkey bars and certainly no cartwheels in the hall. We seventh graders were much too sophisticated for that. But the shorts habit stuck around.

I was talking to a woman recently (I honestly can't remember who) and we were discussing our private school days and how she too wore shorts under her skirt for recess. All the girls in her class did. It was just a given. And she too continued to wear biker shorts under her dresses as she got older. We laughed about it and how we both instinctively had the same notion 'just to be safe' well into our teens.

For some reason, the idea of wearing shorts under a dress or skirt just made me feel more comfortable. I didn't have to worry about rogue breezes or tripping on the bleachers. I don't recall any potentially humiliating incident occurring wherein my shorts habit actually spared me any embarrassment...no breezes or falls that I can remember. But there was a security in my very insecure adolescent mind that it was one less thing to worry about. And there were so many things.

I think back on the past few years I've spent reading celebrity gossip magazines and websites, a pass time I regret for a variety of reasons, and a few images come to mind. Thankfully they were black-barred, but maybe you saw them too.

Paris Hilton getting out of a car. Britney Spears exiting a limo. Short skirts. Paparazzi. The gasps heard round the world. And more attention-getting than you can shake a stick at.

These ladies were not wearing undergarments.

At all.

Not even teeny tiny ones.

Oh my.

What has the world come to when young women believe (and rightly so, it seems) that the next best way to get attention is by baring it all in public. And by 'in public' I don't mean trashy men's magazines. Or Cinemax.

I mean IN PUBLIC.

Where did these girls get the idea that their value comes from publicity, any kind of publicity? We live in a sick and voyeuristic society for sure when precious young women, women who were created by the same Heavenly Father as me for His purpose and plan, knowingly choose to expose themselves to the entire world just to stay in the headlines.

I don't write this to shame these girls. They have no shame left it seems, which I find heartbreaking. (And I must admit I'm actually ashamed of myself for even knowing about this. I wish I were innocent in what I've wasted time Googling or watching on E!).

I straddle the line between feeling sorry for the girls and being infuriated by their lack of taste and class. Why did they give in? When did it stop being acceptable, wonderful, glamorous to be a lady? How big is the tide of raunch that I am going to have to hold back to keep it from crushing my daughter, her her heart, and her future? How do I teach my son to respect women for all they are and all they were created to be when they don't respect those things themselves?

I have no answers, only questions.

I just started a book by Wendy Shalit called, "The Return to Modesty. Rediscovering the Lost Virtue". I'm only on chapter one but it's already giving me hope. Apparently I'm not the only woman who's asking these same questions.

That in itself gives me hope.

About Me

2009-06-03T16:50:00.000-05:00

If you followed me here from my other blog, It's a Honey of a Life, then you already know that I'm Melissa, the Hunnybee. I've got a husband Mike and two little rugrats, Michael and Christiana. Right now I stay at home changing diapers, washing dishes and furitively trying to solve all the world's problems via my facebook status updates. Or maybe I made that last part up. The world is still full of problems so it doesn't really matter.

What does matter is the state of my soul, and yours too whether you believe it or not. We were created with a purpose.

Backstory: 'Melissa' in Greek means "the honeybee". And my middle name, 'Kay' means "pure". When I was about ten years old my Sunday school teacher had all her students learn the meaning of their names and then draw a picture of it. I wish I still had that picture. It was adorable. I had trouble coming up with a picture combining the ideas of a honeybee and pure until she suggested I draw a picture of a bee and a jar of pure honey. Brilliant!

Honestly, I was little embarrassed when Angie held up her picture of an angel and Christopher held up his picture of a cross and Christ. All I had to show was a scribbled drawing of a bug that nobody likes flying around a big jar of honey. Sheesh.

But now I love honeybees. I collect them, actually. Most specifically I collect tea pots and honey pots, all with honeybee themes. They're mostly gifts from people who know of my penchant for the little buggers.

And over the years I've learned a lot about bees too. They really aren't bad at all, once you understand their purpose. They're workers. They mostly mind their own business unless you get in their way. They really don't want to have to sting you because if they do it means certain death for them. But their goal is to serve and protect the Queen and if doing so requires the ultimate sacrifice, then so bee it.

Anyhoo, the purpose of this blog is to facilitate my pursuit of purity in all its manifestations...physically, mentally, spiritually and so on. I welcome any and all of your thoughts and comments and hope that you'll find at least some of the content here helpful or at the very least, thought-provoking.

I'm not a legalistic gal. You won't find "do this, do that and you shall be pure" here. This isn't about bikinis versus one-piece bathing suits, though it's likely that I'll be exploring that topic as summer approaches.

Purity is a matter of the heart reflected on the outward person, not the other way around. That's why you won't find me commanding this or that to myself or anyone else as a means of living a pure life. Quite simply, that doesn't work. I don't want to be a white-washed tomb full of dead men's bones. Unfortunately that's what I see around me though, all the time, people striving to eat, drink and clean purely in order to preserve the Earth and preserve their physical health, meanwhile their hearts and minds, their thoughts and their relationships are starving and suffocating because of a lack of purity in what they see and say and read and meditate on.

That's what I don't want.

That's the point of this blog.

I hope it blesses you.

Purity

2009-06-03T16:37:00.000-05:00

Purity.

It's a word I've been thinking about lately. It's a word we hear often these days. Pure this, pure that. Slap the word pure on any label and all of sudden that food, drink or household product takes on a whole new persona.

Pure = good for you.

Healthy.

Clean.

Safe.

Purity in our food and water, our medicines, cosmetics and cleaning products is a necessity. Without it we put ourselves at risk for a smorgasbord of maladies.

Who'd buy something labeled "Impure" ?

Not many.

But while we as a culture immerse ourselves in the pursuit of physical purity in what we consume, wear, display, clean with, etc., the truth of the matter is that our culture is anything but pure.

We've become distracted.

Whole foods. Organic cotton. All natural everything. And yet something is missing. But what is it?

True purity.

Purity of heart, of soul, of the mind.

I admit that I've been deceived myself. I've spent time and effort and money to gather things that claimed to be pure, organic, whole and allowed myself to believe that doing so was a legitimate way to create a better me. If I acquire things that claim to be good, then I will also be good. I will feel good. I will live better. I will find happiness in these things.

It's a lie, mostly. I won't deny the potential benefits of food and drink and other items that are created with purity of ingredients in mind. Certainly they are good for the body. But it just seems that as a whole we, even Christians, have bought the idea that we are somehow becoming better by embracing the world's love of outward purity.

Meanwhile the world is going to heck in a hand basket. Little girls who are outwardly mature in body, but inwardly naive and vulnerable are exploited on the pages of men's magazines. Women as a whole have bought into the idea that skinny is sexy and sexy is fulfilling and that not only is is possible to turn the heads of men at any size, it's good to do so. Certainly our standard of beauty has been skewed by the world, but why are we now looking to the world to fix that broken standard?

It used to be that only thin women could be beautiful, and now we are beginning to embrace the idea that women of all shapes and sizes can be beautiful. That is good. That is truth. But the world always goes a step too far. That is the deception of the world. If beauty is good, then sexiness is even better, so let's embrace the sexiness of womanhood and flaunt it to show that we are liberated.

There is no freedom in flaunting. It's a trick. Flaunting is supposed to make you feel better about yourself, but all it does it draw your focus toward only the outward appearance, whatever shape or size or color it may be. I see women and girls everywhere wanting to feel good about themselves. Wanting to feel special.

Prized.

Beautiful.

Sacred.

Loved.

And they go about it the only way they seem to know how....physical beauty, attention getting appearance, seductive 'look-at-me' clothing. It's a sad sight when you really think about it.

Now don't get me wrong. I love clothes and jewelry and hair color and make-up....the whole nine yards. I'll also be the first to admit that I've been suckered in by the world's obsession with beauty and sexiness in my life. I've thought about how great it would be to finally get to wear a bikini and show off all my hard work after having two babies. The glory of it!

But then I thought again.

I thought with my heart. I questioned my own motives and found them to be lacking purity. My motives weren't about setting a Godly example for my children. They weren't about me truly feeling good about myself in the way that God designed. My motives were about pride and insecurity, two things I've struggled with most of my life (like everyone else on the planet?).

I was convicted.

There's a whole world of love and hate that goes with that word.

Convicted.

Found guilty.

Yep. That's me. Guilty.

So I'm on the pursuit of true purity, and with it true freedom and joy and simplicity. The world claims to have found these things, and maybe they've hit on a few truths here and there. But so far I've found the world's offerings to be truly lacking.

So where to begin?

Bee Pure

A New Home

Amen, Sista!

Reflections of Love

Send Me Your Pictures and Ideas!

Wedding Style (or Lack Thereof), Part I

Fashionable Quotes

MyShape Giveaway!

My Shape

Modesty on a Budget

Adventures in Modesty

Innocence Fail

Are You Beautiful?

New Fall Arrivals!

Excellent Article by Wendy Shalit

Window Shopping

Work Dresses *snicker*

Tug -o- War

Modest Living

Lauren Luke

A Former Child Star on Modesty, Beauty, and Making It in Hollywood

New Sites Added!

Fashion and Art

First for Women, Update

How to Enjoy Your Staycation....And Ruin Mine

May I Introduce You?

Current Conditions: Hot and Sunny with a Chance to Bare it All (or not)

Too Long. Too Short. Too Low. Too Expensive. In Summary: Why I Hate Shopping.

Moday is Fun-day!

More Modesty Blogs!

Home Again

A Little More About Me, Hunnybee

Emi-Jay Accessories

The Veil

Speaking of Swine....

Praiseworthy

Normal Isn't Normal Anymore

Shade

Pearls and Swine

Featured Site

Featured Site

Private Matters

Links

Chasing Fame

About Me

Purity

Work Dresses snicker