Amen, Sista!

If I had any political power, I would solve part of the health care coverage crisis by forcing underdressed young women to go home and put on sweaters, instead of showing the whole world all their preexisting conditions.- Judy Gruen

(Thanks to Tirtsa for sharing this great quote!)

Merry Christmas!

Reflections of Love

The other night I was getting ready to attend a Christmas party with my mother-in-law. Every year her church does a Ladies Christmas Tea and it's become tradition for her and I to attend it together. For fun I decided to wear a new true-red lipstick, something I normally don't do. It seemed fun and festive and when you spend most of your days in sweat pants and zit cream, as I often do, excitement can be found in the tiniest of packages. Like, say, a new tube of bright red lipstick.

After getting carefully dressed and all done-up, I came down the stairs to my four-year-old son. He was sitting in his playroom, putting together some twacks, er, tracks. (Choo-choo tracks to the uninitiated.)

I asked him how I looked.

He looked up, gave me a once-over then looked away with a shy, funny smile. For a second I thought maybe I looked so good, he didn't recognize me or something.

(Or something, indeed.) *sighs to self*

"You get that pink off you mowf!".

"What?"

"Get dat pink off you mowf!"

"You mean my lipstick?"

"Yes. Da pink on you mowf."

"You think I should take it off?"

"Yes."

"Ummm....I'll think about it. I guess." *dumbfounded*

Fast forward forty-eight hours.....

We'd received a dinner invitation from the couple who owns the company that built our home a few years ago. They were in town and wanted to see us and the kids, so we met up at a local steakhouse for a fun, family dinner with them.

Once again I'd decided to try out my festive new look, still trying to determine if I liked it. After we got home from a wonderful evening, I got myself ready for bed. With my face washed and my own jammies on I went to get Michael (the lipstick-hater) ready for bed, too. I sat down on the floor of his room to help him with his clothes, and he says to me: "So... you wook wike youself".

"What?"

"You wook wike youself."

"You mean I took my make-up off?"

"Yep. You wook wike youself."

"Ummm, okay."

It's taken me awhile to process these little conversations with my son, but now that I've had some time to do so, I think I'm beginning to understand them.

When I look in the mirror I see a woman who needs change.

My hair needs change. It's not good enough.

My face needs change. It's not clear enough.

My lips need change. They're not bright enough.

This what I see when I look in the mirror.

But bathroom mirrors aren't' the only place we can find our reflection. In fact, they may be one of the lousiest places to see what we really look like.

Sometimes the best source of truth about who we are and who others see when they look at us isn't a mirror. Sometimes it's the tiny little voices that love us and trust enough to say what they think, no holds barred. When my son looks at me, he doesn't see pimples and blotchy skin. He doesn't see graying hair or flabby skin.

He sees Me!

His Mommy!

His friend!

I'm not saying that spicing things up in the make-up cabinet isn't necessary or desirable at times. But sometimes the best change of all is the one that happens on the inside, when you realize that you are simply

Loved.

Send Me Your Pictures and Ideas!

Okay, so apparently nobody has anything to say about stripper wedding dresses. That's alright. I still have plenty to say.

Like this:

WHAT THE HECK?

No seriously, when did 'stripper' become a trendy, mainstream look? Was I out to lunch that day, because I never got the memo. I like looking good and being stylish as much as the next gal, and I'm definitely not opposed to following trends. I am, however, opposed to looking like a stripper, unless the new look for strippers is to be fully clothed and covered from collarbone to kneecaps. I'm just sayin'.

And what I'd really like to do here with this space is showcase other women's styles that highlight their personal tastes and their beauty without compromising their integrity, whether it be wedding gowns, swimwear, your favorite pair of boots that go with your favorite skirt...whatever. I'm not really so interested in what modesty doesn't allow, as much as I'm interested in what modesty highlights and accentuates and I'd love create a space here that makes those ideas and styles more accessible. Stylishly modest is not an oxymoron.

If you're interested in being part of future posts featuring some of your favorite looks or ideas, send me a message at melissakmay -at- gmail -dot- com. I'd sincerely love to hear from you!

Wedding Style (or Lack Thereof), Part I

It's been an embarrassingly long time since I've posted. You'll forgive me for being a bit rusty? It's been so long since I sat down and put my thoughts down on (digital) paper that I'm afraid I might not remember how. In my defense, I've been busy doing stuff like laundry and mopping and getting major haircuts. Also, there's those pesky children of mine who seem to require daily care and tending to. I recently took on the enormously frustrating, yet fulfilling task of homeschooling my four-year-old son which as you might imagine, takes up a huge chunk of my time. And patience. But that's another post for another time.

In my spare moments I do enjoy occasionally sitting down in front of the television and being entertained. The list of shows that enjoy, er, tolerate is laughably small, though. One of my current faves is Say Yes to the Dress, a reality program on TLC and set in the famed Kleinfeld's Bridal Salon in New York.

Each episode features several brides in hot pursuit of their perfect gown. Some know exactly what they want while other brides haven't a clue. Each bride is assigned a trained consultant who's job it is to tease out the bride's expectations and then help her choose a dress that meets her criteria.

For the record, I myself hadn't a clue what I was shopping for when I looked for my own wedding dress. The only thing I knew was that I didn't want a puffy Cinderella-style gown. Other than that, I was open to suggestions. I suppose I was lucky that the second gown I tried on turned out to the The One. My mom was the one who found it, hidden away in the clearance rack. I hadn't planned on letting my mom choose my dress, but what can I say. She found me a great deal on a gorgeous, perfect gown! (Another score for the moms!)


See:




Gratuitous wedding pic. You likey?


Okay, so back to the show.

As much as I love watching these girls shop for dresses and try them on one at a time, there's something about a current trend in wedding attire that really bugs me. I'll sum it up in one word:

Sexy.

Brides want to be sexy nowadays.

In fact, sexy is such a popular look that they're actually requesting dresses like this:

Yes, this is a wedding dress. I am so not joking. It's by a designer called Pnina Tornai and can be purchased a Kleinfelds, if you are so inclined. Which I hope you're not. Cuz....seriously?

This particular style falls under the category of "stripper-fairy". Google it, if you dare. Whereas once upon a time brides asked for a ballgown or mermaid style dress because they wanted to look elegant on their special day, now they're asking designers to make them look like stripper fairies, whatever that means.

Now don't get me wrong. I understand that special anticipation about being sexy that comes with the anticipation for the wedding day. Most brides make a point to purchase special items for the honeymoon, things meant for only their new husband's eyes. I've just always been under the impression that the "sexy" part was for after the wedding, when the bride and groom are ALONE. As far as I'm concerned, if you want to look like a stripper fairy in the privacy of your own home or hotel room or rented limo, go for it! That's one of the perks of being married. You get to be sexy with your beloved. Woot for private, married sexiness!

But wearing lingerie for the whole crowd? In church? In front of holy men? And you MOTHER?

*deep breath. and let it out.*

The ironic part is that in this day and age it's considered totally acceptable to flaunt your sexuality in this sort of way but doing something like, oh say, sharing your political views in public is a major faux pas. For heaven's sake, you might offend someone! In fact I'm pretty sure there are women (and men) would be offended by my take on the slutty wedding dress issue, claiming that I'm being old-fashioned and prudish. They'll defend a bride's right to walk down the aisle in something that would make a sailor blush, but by golly, what right do I have to offer my own commentary 0n the topic? Who died and made me judge of the world? And if I happen to be offended by a woman choosing to wear underwear as outerwear at her own wedding, well then that's just my problem, right? Get over it!

What you wear (or not) says something about you. You send a message by what you choose to expose (or not). And when a bride walks down the aisle in somthing described as "stripper-fairy" she's saying more about herself than she may have bargained for. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be applauding her audacity and brazenness. and I should realize that she's owning her sexuality and see that she's proud of what she's got. What's wrong with me? Why can't I see the good side of wearing a slutty wedding dress?

We have so misled our daughters, it's downright shameful. We've lied to them and now we've gone so far as to convince them to make fools of themselves on what should be the most special day of their lives. And they are so gung-ho about proving themselves as strong women in this scary and domineering world that they've taken the rules we gave them and ran with them. Who can blame them? No little girl grows up thinking she wants to be a reject and a weirdo. No, she wants to take life by the reigns and run with it. Somewhere along the line, we've sold young women the message that their sexuality is something they're supposed to be willing share and show off, if simply to prove that they possess it. (That worked out nicely for the men, didn't it?) Now they mistake their willingness to flaunt that sexuality for confidence, and in the end become the butt of the joke.

I have so much more to say about this, but I really want to hear what YOU think before I continue. Also, this buys me more time, which I always seem to be running out of. Oy.

Fashionable Quotes

I've always felt jerked around by the fashion industry. On the one hand the powers that be seem to send the message that you should be yourself, be authentic, be that hot girl you know you are on the inside. And do it by buying what we're selling. And that right there is the other hand. The 'selling' part.

Authenticity can't be bought or sold. Your true self isn't hanging on a rack at Macy's or Goodwill. And if you're looking to tell the world who you are by what you're wearing, if there's any confusion about the former, well don't try and figure it out by focusing on the latter. You'll just end up with more stuff crammed in your closet, stuff acquired in pursuit of answering that age old question: Who am I? Stuff can't help you answer that question. You have to answer it.

By yourself.

No cheating.

"Sometimes, a woman filled with all sorts of uncertainties in most of the areas of life and emotion, will have her only confidence and independence in her fashion-sense. I'm sure this is a misfortune. Fashion should not be expected to serve in the stead of courage or character." — Loretta Young

The most important part of your style is confidence. Not confidence in your smokin' hot abs or you luscious curves. Save that confidence for the bedroom, alone with your spouse, who will most certainly love and appreciate every inch of what you've got to show off. No, true confidence is so much more. It's what draws others to you and propels you into the great unknown....new and challenging places you'd never imagined or dreamed possible for yourself. If you don't think you have confidence, well then do something about it. Decide. You have to make a choice and even if it means that you fake it until you make it, do it. When you treat yourself with respect others will follow suit.

"With women, the more unhappy they are the more undressed they are. This is true. Dignity's another very important part of this. Sex and the City is the opposite of dignity. You have to have dignity for your body—this is with men and women. You need to have dignity towards how you are, how you dress, how you behave. Very important. Men are always much more dignified than most women." - Miuccia Prada,

Dignity is a precious commodity. It helps to keep you on course and insulate you from the crazy directions the rest of the crazy world likes to give. Sometimes others will try and steal it from you. Sometimes they're so sneaky about it, they'll even insist that you pay them to give it up. Don't give anyone the power to take away what makes you truly special and Because desperation is never in style.

NEVER!

(Neither is pleather.)

"How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone." — Coco Chanel

In summary, my encouragement to you is that you get to know yourself, your loves and your likes, your passions and your flaws. What is most important to you in life? What are your priorities and WHO do you want to be? (Hint: Who you want to be is a big part of the answer to the question, Who Am I?) Let your outer appearance then become the reflection of this inner person. Give people a chance to know who you are by giving them a heads up when they see you coming.

And finally:

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have very little or no influence on society." — Mark Twain

(Of course Mark Twain never heard of Paris Hilton.)

MyShape Giveaway!

Throughout the month of October, MyShape is giving $500 daily to breast cancer research. They're also giving away a $500 shopping spree! All you have to do is visit your own personal MyShape shop, and you'll automatically be entered to win. If you don't have a personal shop at MyShape, you can create one here. And as a bonus, you'll receive 15% off your first order and you'll always receive free shipping and returns.

Good luck!

My Shape

So I came across another helpful website the other day called MyShape. The purpose of the site is to help women of every shape and size determine their own shape and personal dressing style, then provide them with a variety of options that meet their criteria, which can then be ordered right from MyShape.

I decided to give the site a try since my own shape has changed somewhat in recent months, and my own personal style has evolved a bit as well.

The registration process took a bit of time as I had to insert a number of body measurements and answer various questions about my personal style. You don't have to answer all the questions at once, but obviously the more questions you answer the more helpful you'll find the suggestions. Some of the measurements are best done with the help of a friend, but I managed to do most of them on my own.

Bonus: One number they never ask for is your weight! That number is completely irrelevant in this circumstance.

I also picked from different dressing styles, such as glamorous, artistic, classic (my fave!) , and trendy. One of my favorite features was the skirt and sleeve length option. I was very specifically asked where I like my skirts to fall, what sleeve length I prefer and how much cleavage, if any, I'm comfortable revealing (um...how 'bout none, k?). There were also questions about how tight or loose I prefer each article of clothing to be and what types of fabrics I like to wear. In all I spent about ten minutes taking measurements and creating my profile.

As it turns out my shape is "M", which means that I have proportioned shoulders, bust and hips; softly defined waist curve (read: thick waisted); strong, straight shoulder line and rounded bottom.

I was supplied with six basic tips for dressing my shape and then based on my personal preferences I was given a variety of outfit choices that met my criteria, including accessories. I have to admit it was quite fun to see whole groupings of outfits put together just for me. And for the most part, the selections were dead on. I could picture myself wearing just about everything chosen for me.

Another neat feature that MyShape offers is called sizeless dressing. This option allows you to view clothing selections without knowing the size of the garments. If you're in a place where you'd just rather not know, then this is a way to shop without having to bother about that pesky number. It's an interesting concept and in a culture where women seem to be extraordinarily preoccupied with the numbers on their scale, their bra, and their pants, this could be a helpful tool to help get away from the numbers obsession.

There's one part of the shopping experience I didn't enjoy so much, but I suppose it's to be expected. That was the prices. Unfortunately the outfits chosen for me were on the pricier side, even though I was able to choose various stores and designers from whom I buy regularly. (Curiously, Goodwill was not an option.) However, their sale section is quite extensive and the prices were very reasonable, especially the Last Call section, where I found these fantastic buys, below. You want my advice? Make a profile then shop the sales!

cropped jacket in white or black, $14.49

Jessica Howard dress with cardigan $49.49

Personally, I consider MyShape to be an excellent dressing tool. Even if you don't buy from the site, the body shape calculator and style suggestions are extremely helpful and can provide a great starting point if you're looking for help in this area. All in all, MyShape gets two thumbs up!